And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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