Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
