My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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