my mouth tastes like poor choices
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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