to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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