well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
