it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
