Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
