The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone shit on the floor
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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