I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
