um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
