brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
