This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
