yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
