Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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