i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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