Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
