4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
someone owes me an orgasm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
