it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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