I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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