Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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