Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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