After last night, I could never be a politician.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
