who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
