I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
