Sry I called you an 8
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
