I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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