the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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