You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
