I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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