yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
