if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize