My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
