forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
