Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
