my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
