If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
