you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
