does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
