I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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