I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
