maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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