After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
