just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
