I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
