I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
