We won't sleep together?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
