So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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