I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
