People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
