I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
