I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
