All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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