dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
