She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
