Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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