is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
