at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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