have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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