nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
