He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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