My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
