like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
