You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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