You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
