i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
