I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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