dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
