i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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