Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize